For some reason these past two weeks have been terribly difficult on me.

Stress?
Lack of sleep?
Anxiety?

Perhaps none of these; perhaps all three.

I am frequently finding myself busy, which I quite enjoy, but this frustration comes in when I’m finding that this busyness is all in vain. It’s often unproductive, or in the worst cases, counterproductive.
Even the most basic wedding plans I’ve made are being questioned after I thought they were set. I’m a horrific decision maker, so it’s hard enough for me to make a decision once…if I have to make a decision again, I’m basically done for!
Planning for a Thanksgiving dinner (sans turkey, of course) and for the regional conference (the weekend after) really shouldn’t be all that complicated, but I’m finding both to be troublesome, since I’ve managed to screw up both.
How?
That’s the same question I keep asking myself. I have made it all too much work and then that makes me even angrier when it doesn’t work out.
I really should take the Chinese motto “mei guanxi!” (”It doesn’t matter!”) to heart and forget about it.
Well, I’ve tried. I really have, but things are just getting to me. Mostly my own mistakes, though.
Important people in Amity (much more important than me, at least) were here for a visit (Liu RuHong and Mick, for those of you who might know), and I think I made even that more stressful on myself. I had to clean my apartment (like they would look in the drawers and under the couch anyway!!!) and then they finally arrived Monday night and came over to meet with me from 9-10. The next day, I had four periods of class in the morning, library time and lunch with them, two more periods of class, and then more talking with them, then a banquet and more talking at Kate’s place again….until about 10 pm. I realized that I didn’t have a lesson plan for my Brit Lit class (this afternoon), so I set my alarm for 6 so I could work one out before getting ready and leaving for my morning class after 9.

I messed up the alarm and didn’t get up until after 8.
Of course.

Frantic scrambling, teaching, a co-teachers meeting, library time (during which my upset sophomores came in to talk about their exams), a late lunch, then 30 minutes before I had to head to class.

Honestly, the lesson worked out fine. The students were confused by the plot of Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations, so we spent the majority of the time going over it anyway.
No real need to freak out, but I did anyway. Now I’ve just got to figure out what to do tomorrow for that class!

Speaking of class, I gave a bunch of exams last week.
My sophomores did NOT perform the way that I expected them to. I was incredibly disappointed and largely very angry. It was a simple two minute speech! So many errors and so many who didn’t even reach the 1 minute 30 second mark. I was quite upset and told them so yesterday. So basically, it was a roomful of unhappy people after that. Tuesday was not my day.

I’ve still got to finish marking my Brit Lit exams. Fun. I did the multiple choice/fill-in-the-blank…. I just have to do the hard part now- the essays!

Anyway, so this is all to say that I’ve been terribly stressed about everything…money, the future, the present, food, clothes, my weight.
It needs to end at some point. I’m sure it will, but goodness. I might lose my mind before then.

Anyway, I’ve got to go. I have things to do!